Hello! Dude here! Delighted to grab center stage once again! I was told that after writing "who I am" for some new thing called "The Internet", that it would help with me being immortalized even more than I already am. Let me start by saying that I have no idea what the big fuss is about. For some reason, people love me. Hell, even my doctor took time to tell me how much he loves my interviews while sticking his fingers up my butt. I'm old as hell, but somehow, I live on. When it comes to interviewing people, it goes like this: Somebody leaves a sheet of paper on my desk that says something like, "Interview - Lorenzo Lamas. Noon on Monday. Studio B." Now, I have no idea who that person is, or what "Studio B" even is. But I hold the paper in front of my face at Noon on Monday, find a room that has a sign that matches the letters on the paper in front of my face...when I find a matching "Studio B", I figure that is the place to be. I wander in, fart into my diaper, and do the interview. The guests are usually on the line when I walk into the room. After the interview, I forget what took place in the previous 20 minutes, wander out into the street and heckle people who won't give me money for smokes. I've really no need for money, though; I've got about $1,500 dollars locked away! So, you can see I'm set for life! I just need to find where I put that money, and I'll be in good shape. My story wouldn't be complete without mentioning my great grandson, Don Imus. He's a wonderful man! He lets me visit the ranch twice a year. He's never there, but that's ok! I raid his closet to put on some nutty cowboy costume, then wander round cleaning poo out of the stables. God bless, little Donny! Well, that's it for now. Thanks for making me number one among adults aged 71-72 in the latest audience ratings. Sincerely, Dude Shadoway - "The Dude" "Aww, thank you The Dude!" Fabio - March 06